Anorexic Rollerblading Pirates

I was out and about the other night after work.  Well, out and
about in my own special way.  Fine!  I was walking home after
buying groceries and yes, that is out and about.

Anyways, back to the main train of thought here.  I was walking
home and I inevitably ended up waiting for a street light to
change.  So I’m standing there waiting for the little white
walking dude to tell me to proceed into traffic at my own risk when
this roller blader pulls up beside me.  I may be the Igloo Coder,
but I’m not all frigid inside so I notice the nice legs attached to the
blades.  I work my way up them slowly (I really need to get
sunglasses ‘cause I think the other people waiting at the light were
whispering about me being a pervert) and notice that this young blader
has the body mass of the set of ribs I BBQ’d last week.  I’m not
kidding here.  She was so small that I could have easily put my
hands entirely around her waist.  When I notice this I begin to
physically shake as I think of binge and purge and get the

Luckily for me the light changed and we all ventured out into the
street.  As we’re crossing the street this blader pulls away from
all us pedestrians only to show us her wee-tiny butt and complete lack
of roller blading skill.  She tries to power up onto the side walk
using the ramped area and almost fell flat on her face when the roller
blade went scooting out from behind her.  So picture me, in the
middle of the cross walk, at an intersection of two 6 lane streets,
trying not to piss myself laughing.  Well, right when she almost
took the dive I noticed something on her shoulder.  Sure enough
she has some exotic bird along for the ride.  Now I do what’s
appropriate and stop, dead in my tracks, in the middle of the
intersection and let my jaw drop.  A freaking bird!  And the
roller blading pirate didn’t have it leashed up.

After reconciling that it is possible, in the city, that there are
anorexic, roller blading pirates, I pleasantly continued my walk
home.  Sure enough I saw this all over again (same person thank
freaking god) a few blocks later.  She was turning down a street
that headed down to the bottom of the river valley.  I went the
other way to avoid the carnage that was going to ensue at the bottom of
the hill.

Sigh.  I wish people here were more like those in small
towns.  You know, the ones that get drunk and drive their
lawnmowers to the liquor stores.  Those people are normal.