Damn shoelaces

Don’t you just hate it when you go to tie your shoes and you’re greeted
with a pleasant snap followed by a lessening of resistance in one arm
(two if it is going to be an excessively crappy day)?  This
morning I had this happen on my one pair of work shoes (well I have
workboots, but they’re covered in shit from the dog team I’m training
to take me to work this winter).  Of course, these types of shoes
provide you with only the least amount of lace possible, but just
enough that they’re still capable of being tied.  Now I have to
find a place that carries shoe laces that will look OEM with these
shoes.  Easier said than done.  Why the hell can’t shoe
companies ship a separate pair (not just one, but two) of laces with
the shoes?  Wouldn’t that just be a fucking novel idea? 
Shirts ship with at least one, and most often two, button sewn to the
inside of the shirt-tail.  These guys have figured out that a lost
button doesn’t mean that the shirt is no longer any good.  They
don’t expect us to cough up for a new shirt just because one stinkin’
button is gone.  Shoe manufacturers seem to have missed this memo
on customer service and satisfaction.  I should just go back to
wearing rubber boots (trust me, if I could get a pair of pink My Little
Pony rubber boots that fit, I’d wear them every day) or maybe cowboy
boots.  Shit, I’m so pissed I’m considering getting a pair of
velcro, no-name, SAAN special runners and just say to hell with looking
like a trailer park dork.  At least my shoe laces won’t break.

So if any CEOs of shoe companies are out there and reading this
(right….well, if the Pope is reading this, I’m sorry mate.  I
couldn’t say it anyother way) they can pucker up to my pasty white arse
and kiss away.  And while they’re bent over doing that, can
someone put that shoe up their collective asses?

I’m the barefoot Igloo Coder and I’m wondering “If I’m doing it doggie style should I be saying ‘Mush, mush’?”